20 Ways to Annoy People on Twitter April 11, 2009
Posted by drolgerg in Very useful advice, twitter.Tags: Advice, Humor, Humour, Silliness, twitter, Useful Advice
42 comments
1. Eat continuously then tweet continuously about what you’re eating. “Eating Walkers Salt & Vinegar Crisps. They’re very nice. Crunchy & tasty. I dropped one but picked it up again”. The more detail the better. Photograph your food from multiple angles & in different lighting then tweet via twitpic
2. Tweet endlessly about your shoes. Twitpic photo’s are essential. “I like my shoes. Here they are”
3. Always point out to your followers how great you are. It’s the only way they’ll know. Especially good to boast about your humility.
4. Claim to be an expert on a subject many people don’t know a lot about but would like to. Invite questions, then in your answers make it very clear you have no clue about it at all. Then disappear for a while.
5. Complain about your tax return as much as possible.”Doing my tax return. Why do I have to do a tax return? It’s not fair.” Reveal that you pay higher-rate tax, or that you have to pay tax on your other homes / swimming pool / yacht / luxury villa in Bermuda / collection of vintage cars, & then complain about it.
6. Shout “WOLVERINES!” at least once a day.
7. DM or tweet as many people as you can about a brilliant way you’ve found to get a trillion followers in 3 hours / get a free laptop / make millions of dollars just by visiting your website. Link to a website advertising collectable bottle tops.
8. Make the world’s most unfunny video then continuously post it in DMs or tweets to as many people as possible several times a day, telling them it’s the greatest thing since Citizen Kane.
9. Set up your bio to proclaim yourself as an SEO expert who can show everyone how to make money quickly & easily online. Then just tweet about your dinner, your shoes & your tax return.
10. Use a picture of a sexy young girl in a bikini for your bio picture & background. Call yourself SexySue. Give *hugs* & xxxx’s to all your followers. Then let slip that you are actually a fat sweaty old bloke from Scunthorpe.
11. Get very drunk then dig out your favourite Tangerine Dream album from the 70’s & be so impressed with it that you tweet every single word as you’re sure that everyone else is dying to hear it too. For extra affect also tweet guitar breaks & drum solos as fast as you can type. “Wafting through madrigal fields dah dah of eldritch minds doof doof dah we weave & dream doo doo our minstrel selves dee dee pip pip ping”
12. Retweet everything you see in your general tweetstream without giving any credit.
13. Continuously badger celebrities to retweet your latest campaign to save the Uzbeckistanian yurt-vogle from being mildly shunned by the local smurf-herders.
14. Follow every online news service or tweet feed for major stories. Wait 3 hours then tweet the stories as if they’ve just happened. Then tweet continuously about them as if they’re the most exciting thing you’ve ever heard in your life.
15. TYPE ALL YOUR TWEETS IN UPPERCASE.
16. Include at least 10 exclamation marks in every tweet to give the impression you’re actually tweeting about something exciting. “I’m eating a whole bag of jellybeans!!!!!!!! Look at my shoes!!!!!”
17. Use very little of what could recognisably be called English in your tweets. “omg I lmao! got this awsm bg jlybns eat yum lol!!! ;-K ; ;P >3″
18. Write an extremely long epic poem about your deep love of Bavarian mountain shrubbery then tweet its verses regularly & continuously over a period of several weeks.
19. Provide a running commentary for your life. “Got up. Ugh. Found underpants. Put them on. Went to the toilet. Had to take underpants off. Then put them back on. Went to kitchen for coffee. Went back to bathroom as forgot to wash hands. Went back to kitchen. Put kettle on”, etc. Repeat daily
20. Write a blog post about 20 ways to annoy people on twitter then pester everyone on twitter about it until they’ve either read it or stopped following you.
Got any further suggestions? Feel free to comment.
Update: The Bloggess has made a post similar to this. It’s quite good. OK, it’s very funny. ALL RIGHT it’s bloody hilarious. Look, just go read it, OK, & stop bugging me! It’s HERE. Happy now?
Daily Twitterscopes (Scorpio): October 2009 September 30, 2009
Posted by drolgerg in Bananas, Horrorscopes, Psychomattress research techniques, Very useful advice, Writing, twitter.add a comment
Wednesday, October 7th
Take whatever time you need to sort out any problem relationships today: you don’t want to hurt anyone, & it never feels virtuous, but sometimes they just come to an end. There is currently no need to explain yourself or to understand; today is the day for when you couldn’t be more obvious. If you procrastinate you may find that you no longer understand what someone in your position is to do. Today you do; today is your day.
Tuesday, October 6th
Only you know if everything is in place today, whether everything seems alright. There’s a chill in the air & the sky’s turning black, & you may feel that there’s something missing; in the whispering rain & the trembling leaves it’s easy to feel this way. If you keep your head, stay centred & focus on your strengths you will be able to compensate for this feeling of loss, & rise above it.
Monday, October 5th
Although you may be unable to stay out all night & feel alright, it sometimes helps to remember that you’re not just here for business: you’re also here for fun. It doesn’t help if you know you don’t have any money; yet there’s often some little café where they play guitars all night & all night day. Your rosy day will come; someday you’ll look back on this & it will all seem funny.
Sunday, October 4th
You may be so energetic today that you are ready to shake your knees, bang the drum & cut the rug right where you are. Calming down is tricky- and that’s the basic dilemna of this Starr in your 3rd House of Laughter opposite the Sun in your 10th House of Plans. When the Autumn leaves come down, soon the snow flakes fall. So waste no moré time fooling around: act today on what you have discovered. You may go wrong but it will be alright as long as you are prepared to wait. If you deal the pack & check your hand you should get everything you expect.
Saturday, October 3rd
Today you may need to just slow down. In the evening, in the dark, stop: ‘til there’s not a sound, not one sigh, just the beat of your poor heart. It may be as if your mind begs you to please keep still, knowing it will be ending. Now you may find what the rest have left behind; just let them dance, you could find what you need in the dark.
Friday, October 2nd
You want to feel things are fine: ‘til the time you find your plans have died. You may be a diamond in the rough; wanting that special someone who stays & won’t play games behind you is perfectly normal. You don’t know that you will but until you can find yourself you have to be what you are: right or wrong, weak or strong.
Thursday, October 1st
You may have moved up while just trying to make a living; we’re not all movie stars or millionaires. Now, however, do you know where you came from or where you plan to go? Choosing to move on again is one way. Ultimately, however, time alone & thinking about your life are healthy ways to fix things. Like allvintage wine, sometimes it’s the best move just to stay put for a bit.
Daily Twitterscopes (Scorpio): September 2009 September 27, 2009
Posted by drolgerg in Bananas, Fiction, Horrorscopes, Lyrics, Psychomattress research techniques, Very useful advice, twitter.1 comment so far
Wednesday, September 30th
You are quite private about your past, especially juvenile, success & are often overly careful about your appearance: for instance taking a long time making sure your hair’s alright before you got out at night. It’s not that you are afraid that you’ll look a mess, but – when the mood takes you – you love dancing & you love bands when they’re playing hard. Don’t be bowed; don’t let anyone put you down or say you’re wrong, you still look divine.
Tuesday, September 29th
You’ve been in stress mode, feeling unknown and all alone. Part of the problem is that you take second best; you’ve got things on your chest. Today, maybe you need to confess, to reach out & touch faith. Is there a special someone, maybe by the telephone, someone who cares? Looking forward you may find that they will deliver the forgiveness you need.
Monday, September 28th
If one could read your mind what a strange tale your thoughts could tell: fortunately you are not required to act this way. So, for now, let’s be real, & light of foot: you never thought you could feel this way, so just try to understand the feelings that others lack.
Sunday, September 27th
You seem to be able to keep this world from dragging you down today. Somehow you can know what’s right, in an often petty world that keeps on pushing you around. Don’t worry that there seems to be no easy way out; sometimes you just have to stand your ground. You’re strong: you won’t back down
Agony With Aunty Drolgerg August 16, 2009
Posted by drolgerg in Making Shit Up, Posts That Tell Me That I Need To Get A Life, Sexual favours, Very useful advice.1 comment so far
By popular request (Dave, down the pub last night) & utilising my immense experience (Dave, down the pub last night), skill (it’s amazing what you pick up from Leslie’s Turkey Bowling), & qualifications (Degree of Stupidity, University of Ougadougou, Offshore College) – and in the spirit of Blatant Plagiarism (thanks, The Bloggess & Um…What??) – I have decided to start up (drum roll, please):
My Very Own Agony Column!
And since no-one has really asked my advice about anything ever yet (apart from Dave, down the pub last night – & he just had this sort of skin rash thingy that you REALLY don’t want to know about), I don’t have too many to start with; in fact I may need to resort to that trusty friend of writers everywhere, Mr Making Shit Up.
Anyway, as they say, from little acorns (or in Dave’s case, pustules) mighty things grow,so in what I hope will be the first of many thousands of posts, can I take the first question please:
Dear Aunty Drolgerg
May I say how lovely you’re looking today (thank you dear – Aunty Drolgerg); your eyes are sparkling like precious diamonds (ooh how lovely dear, I’m flattered – Aunty Drolgerg); your rosey cheeks are like sweet little yummy apples (ooh, you’re getting me all hot & bothered now sweetie – Aunty Drolgerg); your lips are ripe & ready for a big smoochy wet kiss (Oh my!- Aunty Drolgerg) with tongues (OOH! … I’ve just come – Aunty Drolgerg); your… (yes all right, get on with it, I’m bored now – Aunty Drolgerg)…
Oh, right then:
I’m a rich bloke who gets his jollies from buying good old family firms, splitting them up, selling them off & making shedloads on the profits. I hired a hooker for the night, but I think I’ve fallen in love with her: I’m in danger of becoming a nice guy. This can’t happen, I could lose everything: how do you think I got rich in the first place? What should I do?
Jarvis Kucher
Dear Jarvis dear,
Whatever you do DON”T pranny about climbing up some bloody tenement fire escape with a poncy bunch of flowers trying to woo her. You’ll just look like prat. She likes you for your money, obviously, so just give her some more. Anyway, if it wasn’t for George from Seinfeld she wouldn’t have left you in the first place. So kill him. Simple!
Next please:
Oi, Shitface! (Now that’s not very nice, is it dear? – Aunty Drolgerg)
Your last question was just a rehash of the plot of my film ‘Pretty Woman’, & I don’t like the advice you gave – my ending was perfect: it made me cry &, more importantly, got me laid. Get some real questions & stop nicking my stuff, you bastard!
A P Doff Wrighter*
Dear AP
Now you haven’t read the rest of this post, have you dear? I hate it when that happens. Please see earlier under ‘Blatant Plagiarism’.
Aunty Drolgerg
A P Doff Wrighter:
A pox on you, you stole your story from me in the first place, you cad!
G B Shaw (nah nah nah nah nah, AP – Aunty Drolgerg)
απητέ,
Μπορείτε τόσο έκλεψε την ιστορία από μένα, οπότε σκάσε (trans.: “You all stole the story from me anyway, so shut up the lot of you”)
γAn αρχαία ελληνική (“An Ancient Greek”)*
This is getting very confusing, next question please:
Dear Aunty Drolgerg
I got bitten on the arm by this weird monkey at the zoo, & I got this nasty throbbing hurty rash, then I fell asleep for a bit then when I came to my skin started peeling off & bits are falling off me. I also have a headache.
Dave
Dave: First of all, I asked you not to come on here, didn’t I? Second, that’s the plot of Peter Jackson’s ‘Braindead’, & that means you’re a zombie. Get a lawnmower or a large food mixer. Use on self: problem solved.
Aunty Drolgerg
I thought that went well! That’s all for now, my lovelies: if I do this again it may even be slightly more original. But I’m making no promises. Tata for now!
* I couldn’t be bothered looking up his name
The Twitter Drinking Song May 18, 2009
Posted by drolgerg in Drolgerg being silly on twitter, Lyrics, Poems What I Writ.Tags: Drinking, Humor, Humour, Lyrics, Poetry, twitter
1 comment so far
OK so, Sunday night my twitter-mate @Bass_ decided it was all a bit quiet on the twitter front, & that things could be livened up if he conducted a Twitter Drinking Experiment (TDE). This basically involved everyone drinking a bottle of 2 of wine very quickly then tweeting about it straight away. It appears that the experiment was a success: twitter definitely became more lively. So I did what every good twittererer should & wrote a song about it. It’s (very) loosely based on Monty Python’s Philosopher’s Song, so you might even like to sing along.
All together now:
Dirty dawg @Bass_ though completely wasted can drink you under the table.
@Richard_Gable when he’s able, quaffs vintage reds ’til his he’s not too stable
@ceggs the dregs has completely drained of 2 bottles of wine without restraint
@Janeybelle15 of the bottle is keen and @JustTooBusy: double she is seein’
There’s nothing @purelaura couldn’t show ya ’bout the ways of Chardonnay. Only 10 bottles & she’s rolling on the hay…
Oh, @Boogaloo1 loves to hit the Blue Nun, 10 bottles of that & she’s anyone’s
@Troublebrother @Troublebrother drinks like no other; for @GreekSarah the session’s just begun
@LucyKD knocks it back freely; 12 bottles of Port then it’s time for tea
And @Drolgerg smashed is annoying & crass, he writes silly songs that don’t even rhyme
Those in @Bass_’s wine taster were particularly blissed: all lovely little tweeters but more lively when they’re pissed!
Disclaimer: all the people mentioned here are in fact in all probability completely sober & lovely individuals & not at all as they may or not be portrayed here. Some also may contain nuts.
If you’d like to be added just tell me your twitter name, your tipple of choice & how you may (or may not!) behave when under it’s influence & I’ll see what I can do
10 More Ways to Annoy People on Twitter: A Celebrity Special! April 22, 2009
Posted by drolgerg in Celebrities, Tribes of twitter, Very useful advice, twitter.Tags: Advice, Celebrities, Humor, Humour, Silliness, twitter, Useful Advice
7 comments
1. The sport of celeb-baiting: constantly beg celebs to follow you or reply to you. “Ooh please good sir, please follow me, I’m so nice & friendly, me & my Aunty Doris love your shows / films / pap songs / bottle top exhibitions!!”
“If you don’t follow me or reply to me all my kids – who all love you- will all get bloaty head disease & their toes will all fall off & it’ll all be your fault YOU MURDERER!!”
“Sorry, don’t know what came over me, we all love you, PLEASE??!!” Works best if you use the words “bunny” &” boil” in the same tweet. Repeat at least 20x in quick succession per celeb per day until they give in.
2. Attract new followers by promising to moon on twitpic if a beleaguered celeb finally gives in to your begging & follows you. Reneg on your promise & deny all knowledge of it when they actually do.
3. Follow A-list celebs so they can reduce people to numbers in silly follower races in order to boost their already substantial egos.
4. Become an A-list celeb. Amass so many followers that you form your own personal gravity field & your logging on to twitter guarantees that the rest of the known twitterverse spends most of their day looking at a strange whale.
5. Become an A-list celeb. Open a twitter account then ignore it. After your PR people have advised you that this nerdy twitter thing might actually be getting a bit popular afterall suddenly start tweeting incredible profundities like: “Hello”, “I’m on twitter now”, & “How are you?”. Instantly amass so many followers that you form your own personal gravity field & your logging on to twitter……
6. Become an A-list celeb. Never reply to muggles. Only tweet with your current lover, your family, your ‘people’, your entourage & your bottle-top collection supervisor.
7. Become an A-list celeb. Boast about your zillions of followers. Only follow your current lover, your family, your ‘people’, your entourage & your bottle-top collection supervisor. Field questions about the generosity of recommending people to follow that is #followfriday without even a hint of irony.
8. Become an A-list celeb. Find websites you don’t like, link to them in tweets & then laugh maniacally as thousands of people hit them at once & they crash & burn then have to spend the next week getting back up again. Repeat.
9. Become a celeb. Ignore fervent pleas from well-meaning muggles to retweet their latest campaign on behalf of Uzbeckistanian yurt-vogles. Post twitpics of custard instead.
10. Write an annoying blog about annoying celebrities on twitter then annoy everyone on twitter with it.
Jason Tryfon has written a slightly more serious blog post along similar lines here.
As ever, feel free to add your own suggestions.
Drolgerg Does Istanbul #1: Why You Shouldn’t Always Listen To Your Mother April 5, 2009
Posted by drolgerg in Mascara is evil, Psychomattress research techniques, Travel.Tags: Airport Security, City Breaks, Customs, Istanbul, Mascara, Meerkats, Mother-in-law, Travel, Turkey
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Drolgerg & wife took a brief break in Istanbul.
This is their story
There are actually times when you shouldn’t listen to what your mother tells you. We had decided that for our 3-day trip we were going to pack as light as possible so as to avoid tedium of the baggage carousel & take all our luggage on the ‘plane. We did our research on what you can’t take through customs: most liquids, aerosols, sharp pointy things, rocket-propelled grenades, meerkats & the like.
We stayed overnight with my wife’s parents as they’re close to Heathrow & they own beds & ovens & such that conveniently have walls & roofs built around them
After an intervention over my wife’s latest scheme to bring down the government, or at least people she doesn’t like, we got onto how smug we were feeling at cramming all our stuff into itsy bitsy cases.
“You can’t take mascara you know” mother-in-law says.
What mascara does to you on airplanes, say mothers-in-law
“What?” says my wife.
I say nothing as I’m not entirely sure what mascara is. Also in conversation involving my wife’s family I find that it’s generally the best policy anyway. Also they don’t pay any attention to anything I have to say, which is probably quite reasonable actually.
Mother-in-law is very convincing. Wife decides that she can go without her ladyshave, scissors, lotions & potions but no way in the world can she go to Turkey for 3 days without this mascara stuff.I’ve left behind my deodorant & razor, so by holiday’s end I expect to look & smell like this:
Despite the lack of deodorant probably being more her problem than mine, the fact remains that now all my sacrifices are in vain, so we check in her luggage regardless, mascara & all.
Turns out mother-in-law dearest was wrong – you can take mascara (less than 100ml) onto airplanes! So there you go kids – sometimes what your parents say is actually total codswollop!
She’s lovely really, just wrong about mascara. Holiday off to great start!
Got luggage almost straight away at Istanbul airport, luckily, then off we went to the hotel.
So what do you think?
Is mascara evil?
Should you listen to your mother-in-law?
Do I look better with a beard?
Should we be allowed to take our meerkats on ‘planes?
My advanced psychomattress research techniques tell me that the average Blog of Drolgerg reader is smarter than the average bear, so I’d love to hear your comments here.
More to come: with nicer pictures, hopefully
Uses of Twitter: Themed Tweeting March 30, 2009
Posted by drolgerg in Tribes of twitter, twitter.Tags: Challenge, Lyrics, Music, Silliness, twitter, U2, Writing
6 comments
It would help to know about twitter before reading this. If you don’t know about it & would like to click here for Lucas Black’s beginner’s guide to twitter.
“What are you doing?”
This is what you are met with when you first log in to the micro-blogging site twitter.
Due however to it’s simple yet flexible & open structure, twitter has evolved tremendously in a short time to become much more than a tool for telling the world what you’re doing in just a sentence or 2.
People use twitter to say hi to their existing network of friends. They organise get-togethers. They make new friends. They make jokes. They play silly games. They provide links to videos or websites. They share photos. They share their favourite music. They share ideas & interests. They publicise their ideas & interests. They publicise their blogs. They share running commentary while watching TV shows or films. They use it as a creative or comic outlet. Businesses use it to market their products or services. Politicians reach out to their electorates. News organisations tweet the news. Radio stations tweet their playlists. Pundits tweet live sports commentary. Celebrities connect with their fans. Musicians publicise their gigs & records. These are just some of the uses of twitter of which I am aware, & I’m sure there are many others that I don’t know about.
Warming to my theme…
There’s also a use of twitter which I call “themed tweeting”. The king of the genre is RichardMadeley, who somehow manages to tweet to a different theme almost every day, but there are also twitterers who tweet as or about fictional characters, for instance DarthVader, Paranoid_Marvin, JackFacts24, MaxFacts86; spoof celebrity twitterers, like THEDavidTennant; bots which automatically pick up on & retweet tweets containing particular phrases, such as ShutUpMeg & NSFW. Then there are the mostly social users who also have a theme to their twitter personality, like Zombie_Claire, & my bad self, Drolgerg, at the time of writing an orang-utan librarian. (Why? Click here).
Most social users are content to chat & share but sometimes tweeting to a theme can be a bit of fun, or even a challenge. I recently spent a whole afternoon tweeting as the depressive Marvin the Paranoid Android from Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy. I enjoyed it, but none of my then relatively few followers who were around at the time seemed to ‘get it’. The only response I had was from a very caring person who was seriously concerned about my mental health. I had to DM them that I was just messing about so they wouldn’t try to talk me down from the edge!
Fantasia on a Theme of U2
More recently I announced that I was excited at getting some U2 albums as a present from my wife. A twitter-friend then replied with a slightly suggestive tweet that we might be getting a bit friendly later. I replied along the lines of “yes, when love comes to town, she’s not here right now”. When Love Comes to Town is of course a U2 song.
“Hello!”. I thought. “I have a lot of U2 songs”, (at the time every album but Pop & the new 1), “I wonder if I could somehow put them all into tweets?”. So I did, partly as a challenge to myself to see if I could, & partly to see if anyone would notice.
The rules: every general tweet had to contain a U2 song title. By general tweets I mean tweets that are not replies, not hashtag tweets, or tweets that post links - although the latter 2 could contain song titles if I chose. There must be no references to U2, the song or the album it came from. They should all be genuine, believable tweets. Not only that but I decided to try to tweet them in alphabetical order, just to make it more interesting!
Well I pretty much achieved my goal. I slipped up once or twice, letting out a spontaneous tweet or 2 without a song title. Some of them were a bit forced ( I mean what can you do with Hawkmoon 269? Had to go to the pub for that 1!) but mostly I think my tweets were as believable as they ever get.
I expect this may confuse or possibly even annoy some people – if so I’m sorry. I tried really hard to make every tweet genuine & as sincere as I could. It was actually a very rewarding experience. I like a challenge, & I actually had conversations that I might not have had & met some great people that I may not have otherwise if I hadn’t put these restrictions on my tweeting.
So if you’re looking for a challenge or for something a bit different I can recommend themed tweeting – use your imagination!
In case you don’t believe me here’s the full list of my U2 tweets, with the song titles highlighted:
The Tweets
Drolgerg ‘Morning twitterverse. Feeling gr8. U2?8:11 AM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
Drolgerg What’s the most special thing you’ve done for a special birthday, especially “40″ if anyone will admit to it?8:34 AM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
Drolgerg I think we should celebrate a national day here more, much like the USA & their 4th of July 8:56 AM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
Drolgerg Who does the best duets? 2 men, 2 women, or a man & a woman?9:05 AM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
Drolgerg I hope to see some events in the Brighton Festival this year. Used to live there, so a sort of homecoming I guess9:15 AM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
Drolgerg Is there a good alternative to Adobe Acrobat anywhere?9:21 AM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
Drolgerg Haven’t had visit from my friends Jehovah Witnesses for ages. Looks like was blacklisted all along! The Watchtower will never get in here!9:30 AM Mar 11th from TweetDeck (this prompted good response)
Drolgerg I now have a new outlet for my inane stupidities, occasional profundity & frequent profanity. All because of you, twitter!9:50 AM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
Drolgerg A silly love poem to twitter: “To myspace I say: boo / Facebook? pile of poo / & bebo just won’t do / twitter, all I want is you“10:10 AM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
Drolgerg I’m the hairiest swinger around – yeah baby!face it, it’s great to be ape!10:35 AM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
Drolgerg I’m the ape that stole all the bananas – I’m bad!10:40 AM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
Drolgerg The sun is shining, the birds are singing, it’s a beautiful day.10:43 AM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
Drolgerg Sun, sand, heat, movement, noise, explosion, bullet, the blue sky turns orange then grey. Yep – still watching Generation Kill.10:51 AM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
Drolgerg10…9…8…7…6…5 …4…3…2… 11 o’clock tick tock!11:00 AM Mar 11th from TweetDeck (note the time!)
Drolgerg New York is the city that never sleeps, Rome is the etermal city, Paris the city of love. What’s London then – the city of blinding lights?11:06 AM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
Drolgerg Crumbs! From your table I have now found enlightenment – thank you Mr MS Excel11:30 AM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
DrolgergHate this spoilt brat Paris Hilton culture we’re infected with: “you can do what you like cos Daddy’s gonna pay for your crashed car”: awful11:49 AM Mar 11th from TweetDeck (This got a lot of support!)
DrolgergSilly poem 2.0: Oh twitter dear you light my fire/No other site do I require/Of tweeting I will never tire/You are my webby heart’s desire 1:39 PM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
DrolgergToday is a dirty day. I am refusing to wash in protest against normality. (Wife not at home)2:10 PM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
DrolgergUsing twitter to aid my productivity is like pouring water on a drowning man. Have to be antisocial for a bit & stop replying.2:50 PM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
DrolgergI’m the ape who gets the grape, elevation is my station3:44 PM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
Drolgerg Elvis Presley & America = ? & Britain. Discuss.4:07 PM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
DrolgergIs @RichardMadeley even better than the real thing?4:10 PM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
DrolgergMini-tweet over – time to make my exit.4:11 PM Mar 11th from TweetDeck
DrolgergAnyone like fast cars? What’s the fastest car you’ve driven?5:32 PM Mar 11th from TweetDeck (A lot of replies to this one, mostly from blokes)
DrolgergIf you could who would you fire & why?6:00 PM Mar 11th from TweetDeck (A good few responses to this, unsurprisingly)
Drolgerg: Gloria be! My PC’s tweeted out. Rebooting Mar 11, 2009 06:08 PM GMT · from TweetDeck · Reply · View Tweet
Drolgerg: God Pt II: Jesus died for somebody’s sins, but not mine Mar 11, 2009 06:31 PM GMT · from TweetDeck · Reply · View Tweet
Drolgerg: Dinner’s ready. And I’m not saying grace this time! Mar 11, 2009 06:46 PM GMT · from TweetDeck · Reply · View Tweet
Drolgerg: Anyone remember Hawkmoon? 269 fans last I checked. Great prog-jazz-indie-dance-fusion-crossover band from the 70’s /80’s. Mar 12, 2009 05:13 PM GMT · from TweetDeck · Reply · View Tweet
DrolgergShould the Midlands be renamed the Heartland of England?6:05 PM Mar 12th from TweetDeck (A good response to this – mostly around which parts of UK would correspond with rude parts of the anatomy!)
Drolgergwossy keeps tweeting about the Saw ride at Thorpe Park. Personally I think I prefer the Helter Skelter owing to lessened entrails count6:35 PM Mar 12th from TweetDeck (Had a lot of agreement with this)
DrolgergWhen I drink too much beer I fall down. Even when I can’t remember my own name I can l still confirm Newtonian physics.6:45 PM Mar 12th from TweetDeck (This 1 got retweeted)
DrolgergThose bloody evil pixies are nicking my stuff again – I still haven’t found what I’m looking for!8:27 PM Mar 12th from TweetDeck
DrolgergWhat’s the worse thing you can confess to here? Like when I was young I threw a brick through a window. Maybe tell @secrettweet if too bad!8:33 PM Mar 12th from TweetDeck
Drolgerg In gods country there was an orgy. Afterwards the introductions: “Hi, I’m Thor” “Me too but I’m thatithfied”. Thank you, I’m here all week8:54 PM Mar 12th from TweetDeck
DrolgergWhen did we last have an ‘Indian’ summer? Sky full of snow for 2 months: climate change or the natural cycle?9:07 PM Mar 12th from TweetDeck
DrolgergHIi! to my new followers. You might be looking at my tweets & asking: Is that all? Yep, sorry: So evil pixies, beer & orgies it is then!12:22 AM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
Drolgerg‘Morning twitterverse! If it’s windy today I think I might fly a kite 8:30 AM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergWhen life gives you a lemon, make lemonade – Mariah Carey (I think) http://bit.ly/zxxLT8:53 AM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergPlease note I’m giving you 6 months to get my presents & massive twitter party organised. I like a song so maybe we could all do karaoke?8:56 AM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergCan war bring peace? Love & peace or else written on their guns? Still watching the brilliant & challenging Generation Kill.9:13 AM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
Drolgerg#followfriday> They say love is blindness,but you gotta love these ladies: @fragileheart @KatHumble @sarahsaner @TheBloggess @penelopeelse10:13 AM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
Drolgerg#followfriday Did I say love? Rescue me from sentimentality please! Some blokes then: @Red_Moon @Braziel @cartoono @corcoran @aslan_chan10:15 AM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergWhat’s the miracle drug of our age? Prozac, Viagra, tic-tacs? Or something I don’t know about?10:44 AM Mar 13th from TweetDeck (Caffeine I think was top for twitterers here!)
DrolgergAnyone share a birthday with MLK, or someone equally famous? Best I’ve got is Augustine of Hippo. http://bit.ly/zxxLT10:55 AM Mar 13th from TweetDeck (Lots of responses to this one)
DrolgergKids hanging around outside Tesco. Wondering about the mothers of the disappeared 12:20 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergStill trying to figure out mysterious ways I can get any bloody work & still twitter. Twitter’s on fire today, it must be Friday.12:56 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergPC all tweeted out, rebooting. Might be back before New Year’s Day, might not.2:23 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergI’m overtwittered today, my fingers are a bit numb5:44 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergHow is it possible to not be solipsistic? Not possible to know anything outside your own senses: never understood that one.6:24 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck (This set off a great discussion with @christinefarmer, who’d I’d never talked to before)
DrolgergMaybe if we knew the answer to that question we’d be one step closer to knowing the answer to life, the universe & everything (waiting…..)6:26 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergForget American teen soaps: real One Tree Hill is actually the main natural landmark in Auckland, New Zealand. Not a lot if people know that6:30 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck (cheating slightly, that’s actually the inspiration for the song)
DrolgergI must be the original of the species – how many other orang-utan librarians do you know?7:03 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergIs every party boy & party girl in tonight? You’d think there was something decent on TV or something!7:13 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck (It was Comic Relief Night)
DrolgergWith that lovely white suit @THEDavidTennant could bring peace on Earth!7:29 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergMore cynical than I like to think?: sad story on TV, I’m struck by beautiful music: Adele, Cohen. Must take more pride in the name of love7:44 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergI bet Davina McCall has never read Orwell’s 1984. Isn’t BB just a promenade of inanity?7:47 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergThe miner’s strike has been in the news. Anyone remember it? Good book about it by Tony Parker, I think called Red Hill Mining Town7:58 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergRed light: Outnumbered on Comic Relief – very funny!8:09 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergRejoice twitterverse – it’s the weekend!8:49 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergWhy I like weekends? During the week at work I always feel like I’m running to stand still8:51 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergI think my red nose is actually scarlet. Should I still wear it, or am I disqualified?8:53 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergFrench & Saunders were funny for a few seconds. Or not8:54 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergOK I still dislike Moyles but climbing Kilimanjaro is quite an achievement – he deserves his silver & gold9:03 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergFrench & Saunders murdering ABBA: so cruel!9:25 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergSome days are better than others, but overall today has been a good day10:32 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
DrolgergMitchell & Webb / Armstrong & Miller? Sometimes you can’t make it on your own12:50 AM Mar 14th from TweetDeck
DrolgergComic relief still going. Shall I stay & watch or get off to bed12:52 AM Mar 14th from TweetDeck
DrolgergStranger in a strange land: The Script are murdering Bowie’s Heroes. Why? In my h-fi at the moment, switched!12:57 AM Mar 14th from TweetDeck (Definitely wasn’t alone with this opinion)
DrolgergThanks gods that’s over: thought I was stuck in a moment you can’t get out of12:59 AM Mar 14th from TweetDeck
DrolgergSunday! Bloody Sunday? That means for 1st time gone 24 hours without tweeting. TA working then.Feel the need to ask Ed & Biz for forgiveness2:21 AM Mar 15th from TweetDeck
DrolgergTo the sweet birdsong & Sunday sunshine I surrender. ‘morning twitterverse!9:54 AM Mar 15th from TweetDeck
DrolgergShe still ate it though. Hope she’s OK tomorrow!10:11 AM Mar 15th from TweetDeck
DrolgergWife’s working again today.Hate when she does that. Makes me feel guilty for just dicking around. Maybe will write to the Electric Co.10:23 AM Mar 15th from TweetDeck
DrolgergListening to Iain M Banks radio play: grt social comm. in sci-fi wrapper. Fearsumm Endjinn the first time I read him, not looked back since11:45 AM Mar 15th from TweetDeck
DrolgergThe sun’s back today & so is the fly I thought I’d got rid of. Every silver lining has a cloud , I guess11:53 AM Mar 15th from TweetDeck
DrolgergIf I don’t have a shower the ground beneath my feet is in danger of dissolving with my every step. Back soon!1:07 PM Mar 15th from TweetDeck
DrolgergI’ve lost my comb. I look like a refugee from a caveman movie1:40 PM Mar 15th from TweetDeck (error)
DrolgergSorry, should say THE refugee: it’s that bad. Or from Planet of the Apes, of course.1:41 PM Mar 15th from TweetDeck (correction)
DrolgergGo England! Is the unforgettable fire of 2003 returning?3:32 PM Mar 15th from TweetDeck
Drolgerg#sixnations Attractive, winning England rugby – the wanderer returns!3:45 PM Mar 15th from TweetDeck
DrolgergGo England! Armitage & Flutey trip through your wires, France!4:05 PM Mar 15th from TweetDeck
DrolgergWife went shopping & came back with jelly beans & a Paul Smith t-shirt for me. Feeling warm & fuzzy, tryin’ to throw my arms around the world4:21 PM Mar 15th from TweetDeck
DrolgergWe have our moments but sometimes our two hearts beat as one.4:21 PM Mar 15th from TweetDeck
DrolgergAnyone remember a British vampire mini-series called Ultraviolet? I thought it was really good. Shame it was never developed5:23 PM Mar 15th from TweetDeck
DrolgergI plan to be twittering until the end of the world!5:25 PM Mar 15th from TweetDeck
DrolgergWho knew that Australia was originally called Van Dieman’s Land?5:27 PM Mar 15th from TweetDeck
DrolgergWhat’s your favourite Hitchcock? Mine’s Vertigo5:27 PM Mar 15th from TweetDeck (This got a good response)
DrolgergI am of course famous. Recently had walk on part in TV show where they play tricks on members of the public. My line: “No thanks I’m busy”5:50 PM Mar 15th from TweetDeck
DrolgergWhen I look at the world I have just 1 question: what the hell is SXSW?!5:57 PM Mar 15th from TweetDeck
DrolgergI think Generation Kill should be ironically renamed When Love Comes To Town7:57 PM Mar 15th from TweetDeck
DrolgergPlanning mini-holiday. Hope not to do too much driving: most of our hols r to places where the streets have no name, even satnavs can’t help11:05 PM Mar 15th from TweetDeck (Turned out to be prophetic: on city-break in Istanbul got lost a lot due to lack of street-signs)
DrolgergGetting your animals cared for while on holiday’s a problem. Especially if they’re exotic, I mean who’s gonna ride your wild horses for you?11:27 PM Mar 15th from TweetDeck
DrolgergI try to buy lots of local goods while on holiday: for instance I LOVE the taste of wild honey11:30 PM Mar 15th from TweetDeck (Did actually buy honey while in Istanbul)
DrolgergNever watched The Wire. Plan to. I hear it’s quote good! FX UK started showing again from series 1- boxed & ready!11:32 PM Mar 15th from TweetDeck (Got response that it is also about to be shown on BBC2, so was able to clear space on the box & wait for that instead – useful!)
DrolgergI want to see U2 in Cardiff, who knows where’s the best place to get tickets? And I’ll go with or without you!9:30 AM Mar 16th from web (At this point I was rushing to finish before our city-break, thought I was dropping a rather large hint)
DrolgergThinking of organising a twitter flashmob in a zoo. Station, location & details when I think of them9:50 AM Mar 16th from TweetDeck
DrolgergThe problem with putting U2 songs in your tweets is that some of them aren’t even words. I mean what am I supposed to do with Zooropa!10:03 AM Mar 16th from TweetDeck
What Men Really Mean? March 11, 2009
Posted by drolgerg in Feck! Arse! Drink! Girls!.Tags: Beer, Blokes, Football, Humor, Humour, Pubs, Silliness
4 comments
2 blokes in a pub. What they say, & what they (possibly) mean:
Hello mate, did you see the match last night? ( I’ve been sitting in this pub by myself all night; I’m so alone)
Yeah – they were rubbish weren’t they. (I’m lonely too . Will you be my friend?)
The problem with Arsenal is that they just wanna pass it into the net. (Yes I’ll be your friend!)
I’ll get the beers in then (Do you want a lollipop?)
Make mine a Stella (I’d love a lollipop!)
There you go mate (Here’s your lollipop!)
Thanks mate (Yummy!)
Yeah, Arsemal, right, they need to stop playing through the middle all the time, & use the wide men more. (Just ‘cos I gave you my lollipop doesn’t mean that I‘m not better than you)
They’re far too predicatble: if they hoofed it up to a front man with his back to goal they’d have more variety & unsettle defences more (I like your lollipop but you’re not better than me)
The Liverpool defence was pretty good. Very organised at set pieices. (I’ll be your friend but I‘m not gay OK?)
Yeah their goalie played a blinder. (I’m not gay either, but I like your T-shirt)
That van Persie though: what a player. Did you see the way he lollipopped 1 guy, nutmegged the next then slotted it in? (To be honest I am a bit gay but I don’t really know how to deal with it)
And what about that Spanish bloke Fabregas? He glides through the defence like Torvill & Dean skating to Bolero (Actually I’m a total screaming bender but I have no idea how to tell anyone)
Tell you what mate why don’t we go to mine & watch the big match over a few more beers (I fancy the arse off of you ,why not come over to my place & see what happens, big boy!)
Your’re my besht mate you are you are! (I fucking love you!)
Let’s be clear everyone: This never happens
Musactors Union March 8, 2009
Posted by drolgerg in Film, Music, Silliness, twitter.Tags: Film, Humor, Humour, Movies, Music, Silliness, twitter
1 comment so far
Inspired by @jupitusphillip on twitter
There’s been a warp in the space-time continuum, resulting a melding together of actors & musicians. Here’s some of what we’ve been left with:
George Michael Douglas: I Can’t Make You Love Mimi Rogers
Sigur Ross Kemp: Vidrar the River Quai
Tony ‘Smokey’ Robinson & The Miracles of Archeology: You’ve Really Got a
Hold on My Shovel
Seasick Steve Buscemi: My Donny Darko
Don Estelle: American Boy Werewolf in London (aka It Ain’t Half Hot on the
Moors)
Jean-Claude Vangelis: Chariots of Cyborg
Bob Dylan Moran: Black on Black Books
Radio TonyHead: Straight to Videotape (sorry)
Thin Lizzy Taylor: The Boyo’s Back in Town
The Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf
Pop Will Wheaton Itself: Everything’s Cool (in the Vacuum of Space)
Elton John Wayne: Goodbye Yellow Ribbon Road
John Lee Marvin Hooker: Whiskey & the Dirty Dozen Wimmin (aka Boom Boom)
From EmmaRhoyds
Dave, Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Trisha Goddard
Neil Diamonds are Forever
Last Tango in Paris Hilton
Musactors suggested by kenarmstrong1
The Sex Piss Tilda Swintons – Anarchy in Narnia
The George Lazen Bee Gees – On Her Majesty’s Saturday Night Fever
Deep Perp Phill Jupitus – Smoking Room on the Water
Bonzo Dog the Bounty Hunter Doo-Dah Band – I’m the Urban Spaceman (2001
Odyssey remix)
Sean Conner-Ry Cooder – From Paris, Russia With Love
Credence Clearwater ReviVal Kilmer – Bad MIG Rising
R.E.M. Night Shyamalan – Signy Happy People
Soylent Al Green
Muddy Julie Walters – Educating My Mojo
Dick Van Halen – The Grapes of David Lee Roth
The Pegg Shop Boys – Go West, Fat Boy, Go West
Kathleen Turner Overdrive – You Ain’t Seen Naked in New York Yet
And You Will Know Us by the Trail of ourTed Danson – Save Private Ryan
& the Rest Will Follow
Fiennes Young Cannibals – The Red Dragon Drives Me Crazy
Nicholas Parsons Project – I Wouldn’t Want to be Like You in Just a Minute
Thanks to twitterers RandHobart, LucasBlack, snedwan, vatimatt, MrLEdge, NickPeters, davidpwatts, Call123 for the musactors.
Feel free to add your own here.
