What Men Really Mean?

2 blokes in a pub. What they say, & what they (possibly) mean:

Hello mate, did you see the match last night? ( I’ve been sitting in this pub by myself all night; I’m so alone)

Yeah – they were rubbish weren’t they.  (I’m lonely too . Will you be my friend?)

The problem with Arsenal is that they just wanna pass it into the net.  (Yes I’ll be your friend!)

I’ll get the beers in then (Do you want a lollipop?)

Make mine a Stella (I’d love a lollipop!)

There you go mate  (Here’s your lollipop!)

Thanks mate  (Yummy!)

Yeah, Arsemal, right, they need to stop playing through the middle all the time, & use the wide men more.  (Just ‘cos I gave you my lollipop doesn’t mean that I‘m not better than you)

They’re far too predicatble: if they hoofed it up to a front man with his back to goal they’d have more variety & unsettle defences more (I like your lollipop but you’re not better than me)

The Liverpool defence was pretty good. Very organised at set pieices.  (I’ll be your friend but I‘m not gay OK?)

Yeah their goalie played a blinder. (I’m not gay either, but I like your T-shirt)

That van Persie though: what a player. Did you see the way he lollipopped 1 guy, nutmegged the next then slotted it in? (To be honest I am a bit gay but I don’t really know how to deal with it)

And what about that Spanish bloke Fabregas? He glides through the defence like Torvill & Dean skating to Bolero (Actually I’m a total screaming bender but I have no idea how to tell anyone)

Tell you what mate why don’t we go to mine & watch the big match over a few more beers  (I fancy the arse off of you ,why not come over to my place & see what happens, big boy!)

Your’re my besht mate you are you are!  (I fucking love you!)

Let’s be clear everyone: This never happens