10 More Ways to Annoy People on Twitter: A Celebrity Special!

1. The sport of celeb-baiting: constantly beg celebs to follow you or reply to you. “Ooh please good sir, please follow me, I’m so nice & friendly, me & my Aunty Doris love your shows / films / pap songs  / bottle top exhibitions!!”

“If you don’t follow me or reply to me all my kids – who all love you- will all get bloaty head disease & their toes will all fall off & it’ll all be your fault YOU MURDERER!!”

“Sorry, don’t know what came over me, we all love you, PLEASE??!!” Works best  if you use the words “bunny” &” boil” in the same tweet. Repeat at least 20x in quick succession per celeb per day until they give in.

2. Attract new followers by promising to moon on twitpic if a beleaguered celeb finally gives in to your begging & follows you. Reneg on your promise & deny all knowledge of it when they actually do.

3. Follow A-list celebs so they can reduce people to numbers in silly follower races in order to boost their already substantial egos.

4. Become an A-list celeb. Amass so many followers that you form your own personal gravity field & your logging on to twitter guarantees that the rest of the known twitterverse spends most of their day looking at a strange whale.

5. Become an A-list celeb. Open a twitter account then ignore it. After your PR people have advised you that this nerdy twitter thing might actually be getting a bit popular afterall suddenly start tweeting incredible profundities like: “Hello”, “I’m on twitter now”, & “How are you?”. Instantly amass so many followers that you form your own personal gravity field & your logging on to twitter……

6. Become an A-list celeb. Never reply to muggles. Only tweet with your current lover, your family, your ‘people’, your entourage & your bottle-top collection supervisor.

7. Become an A-list celeb. Boast about your zillions of followers. Only follow your current lover, your family, your ‘people’, your entourage & your bottle-top collection supervisor. Field questions about the generosity of recommending people to follow that is #followfriday without even a hint of irony.

8. Become an A-list celeb. Find websites you don’t like, link to them in tweets & then laugh maniacally as thousands of people hit them at once & they crash & burn then have to spend the next week getting back up again. Repeat.

9. Become a celeb. Ignore fervent pleas from well-meaning muggles to retweet their latest campaign on behalf of Uzbeckistanian yurt-vogles. Post twitpics of custard instead.

10. Write an annoying blog about annoying celebrities on twitter then annoy everyone on twitter with it.

Jason Tryfon has written a slightly more serious blog post along similar lines here.

As ever, feel free to add your own suggestions.

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7 Responses to “10 More Ways to Annoy People on Twitter: A Celebrity Special!”

  1. How dare you mock me?! Would you happen to be the Dr. Olgerg who treated my sprained Twitter typing pinkie at The Cook County ER and instructed me, under pain of Medical Death, that I was to keep my Twit comments very short?

  2. No names, no names – in order to protect the inncoent, & me from never working in this town again & from having my toenails removed.
    Well yes, Miss Wink-free, I’m sorry but it would not have been responsible of me as a half-qualifed quack if I had advised you to tweet long & copiously at your stage of career. Also, didn’t your PR people advise you that a more sparse style would be more in keeping with your online brand? Don’t forget you’re due for your next check-up on Thurday week.Payment in gold bullion as usual please.

  3. I’m not interested in A-list celebrities. I only care about Ashton Kutcher.

  4. I don’t know If I said it already but …Hey good stuff…keep up the good work! 🙂 I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks,)

    A definite great read..

    -Bill-Bartmann

  5. I don’t know If I said it already but …Hey good stuff…keep up the good work! 🙂 I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks,)

    A definite great read..Tony Brown

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